Coming Home Isn't Always Coming Back

Hey, hello there, friend,

Yesterday I packed and Uber back home after five weeks away. Today my cats Luna and Lilith arrived, and somehow my suitcase is completely unpacked. I made my coffee, walked into the studio, and stood there for a few minutes. The paintings were exactly where I had left them. The brushes hadn't moved. Everything was familiar.

It looks like it should feel normal. But it doesn't.

I'm still processing.

Yesterday, while talking with someone at an art event about the residency, I found myself trying to explain what those five weeks had meant. I talked about writing the book, canceling plans, leaving my phone inside a box, long walks, slow mornings, and allowing my mind and body enough spaciousness to breathe.

Halfway through the conversation, I realized something.

During these five weeks may looked like a vacation or a productivity hack, but isn't. It's a disruption of your normal patterns. You leave one rhythm behind and spend weeks paying attention differently. When you come home, the house is the same, but you're not.

Another interesting thing: because I gave myself a single, clear intention ~ to finish my book ~ I began embodying a different identity. I was thinking like an author., instead of simply writing chapters. Having full on conversations with myself long after I had closed the laptop. Questioning ideas I've been holding for years. Following threads of curiosity wherever they wanted to lead.

We often think creativity changes what we make. But, it changes how we see.

I went out of town to finish a book, and I thought the achievement would be completing chapters. and the real work happened inwards :)

I believe that's why returning home feels emotional. We expect to slide back into our routines as if nothing happened. But growth doesn't announce itself like fireworks. Most of the times it shows up as a quieter mind, a different question, or the feeling that the life you left a few weeks ago no longer fits you the same way.

Maybe that's why endings feel so strange, we think as if is the end of the experience. In reality, they are the moment life gives us enough distance to begin understanding what actually happened.

So for now, I'm giving myself permission not to have a neat conclusion, or life lessons learned. I'm simply grateful to be home... and curious about the person who came back.

To be continued...

Color Your Life!

Drica